⚠️ Trauma-Informed Reminder
Some of what’s shared here might bring up strong emotions or old memories. Please go at your own pace.
✔️ Pause or step away if you feel overwhelmed — that awareness is part of healing.
✔️ Use grounding tools if your body feels tense (a few deep breaths, stretching, or orienting can help).
✔️ Skip this entirely if it doesn’t feel safe for you today. Your emotional safety comes first — always.
Many of us grew up around adults in survival mode, so we learned peace-keeping, bracing, and hustling - not boundaries, soothing, or safe love.
In this week’s free post, we named the pattern.
Today is the follow-up: why your body does this + simple tools you can start using today.
🧠 Why calm feels hard
Growing up, your body learned patterns to keep you safe. Now, as an adult, when your nervous system senses even a hint of threat, it does what it was trained to do, go into protection mode.
Think of it this way - your nervous system isn’t being difficult - it’s being loyal.
When it detects “maybe not safe,” it runs this same sequence:
1) DETECT - scan for “maybe not safe.”
What’s happening: You scan for sounds, faces, posture, silence, time of day; comparing to old “danger templates.”
Feels like: Slight tension, shallow breath, heavy chest, eyes checking corners/phone.
Everyday example: A shift in someone’s tone and your stomach drops - before they even say anything.
Micro-interrupt (10–20s): Name 3 colors you see → one longer exhale (inhale 4 • hold 4 • exhale 8.)
2) PROTECT - your body alerts you.
What’s happening: Stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol) rise to get you ready; your muscles brace; your breath shifts high and fast.
Feels like: Heat in chest, jaw tight, shoulders up, fidgeting.
Everyday example: A car door slams outside and you jump.
Micro-interrupt (30–45s): Unclench trio (jaw, tongue off roof, shoulders drop 1%) + hum low 20–30s.
3) PRIORITIZE - urgency jumps to the front of the line/everything else is out of mind
What’s happening: Attention narrows to loud/now; quiet/important fades to save energy.
Feels like: Forgetting water, meds, returns, texts you care about.
Everyday example: you fold the pile on the couch; the wet load in the washer sleeps overnight.
Micro-interrupt (60s): Pick one item → stage it in sight (form on keyboard) → set a 2-minute timer and start (stopping allowed).
4) PREDICT - expect what you know.
What’s happening: your brain often fills in blanks with past patterns (conflict, rush, let-down) to keep you ready.
Feels like: “They’re mad,” “This will go badly,” “I’m already behind.”
Everyday example: partner is quiet → chest tightens → you pre-apologize or over-explain.
Micro-interrupt (30s): Reality check: “Pause. I’m noticing I’m telling myself a story. What facts do I have right now?” One long exhale → ask: “When you have a minute, can we check in?”
5) PERFORM - survival behaviors run.
What’s happening: Default strategies take over: fawn (please), fight, flight, freeze, or fix.
Feels like: Automatic yes, overworking, stonewalling, arguing, going blank.
Everyday example: Saying yes to a weekend favor you don’t have capacity for.
Micro-interrupt (20s): One-line boundary: “That doesn’t work for me.” / “I can do ___ instead.” Then pause - no more explanation needed.
We’re not fighting the sequence - we’re interrupting it gently.
🫁 Reading Your Body’s Signals (and Softening Them)
When stress hits, your body reacts first. What you are feeling are learned safety habits. Notice one cue and soften it by 1–2% - that’s often enough to signal to the rest of your body that you are safe enough to move forward.
BREATH — high + fast → body reads prepare.
Body cue: talking fast, sighing, mouth-breathing.
Shift (45–60s): exhale longer ×4 (in 4, out 6–8) or breathe into the back ribs, counting the exhale to 4–6.
MUSCLES — jaw/shoulders/pelvis clenched → body reads hold.
Body cue: teeth touching, shoulders creeping up, glutes gripping.
Shift (30s): jaw drop (lips closed, teeth apart); shoulders down 1%; on the exhale imagine melting into the surface beneath you.
GAZE — darting or locked → body reads scan.
Body cue: staring at one spot or flipping between tabs/screens.
Shift (20–30s): soften eyes, widen peripheral vision; name 3 objects at far/mid/near distances.
VOICE — fast or flat → body reads push through.
Body cue: words tumble, or you “can’t find” words.
Shift (20s): slow one sentence on purpose: “I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
STOMACH — tight or numb → body reads pause feelings.
Body cue: appetite swings, nausea, hollow belly.
Shift (60s): warmth (hand or mug on belly) + gentle butterfly hug (see below); add a kind phrase: “Safe enough, right now.”
🔓 Unlock the Body Safety Toolkit: If this resonates, you’ll love the scripts + practice menus below- including the Quick-Soothe Menu, one-line boundaries, repair scripts, and more. Subscribe to keep going at your own pace.
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