This hit a nail on the head for me. For years I wondered why I handled some things with ease and other times I just plain went off the rails. When I was younger I blamed hormones. But the older I got , the worse I became. Emotional regulation was not my wheelhouse. I bounced around a few therapists in my late 50's and researching on my own. I had family tell me they thought I was bi polar or BPD. I felt like I didn't meet the criteria for either diagnosis. I tried anti depressants but they did not help. Then I found a new therapist after the death of one of my kids. She was the first to ask me to take the ACES test. I scored a 10. So we began dealing with my guilt and shame. So much shame. She brought up CPTSD and finally I felt seen and heard. I still have a long way to go but I do see a little dot of light at the end of that tunnel. A good therapist finds a way to meet you where you are
Thank you so much for sharing this. I felt your words deeply - especially the part about not understanding why you could handle some things with ease and completely unravel during others. It really resonated with me. That kind of unpredictability is so common for us Complex PTSD survivors, and so often misunderstood by others (and by ourselves).
What you said about bouncing between therapists, trying medications that didn’t help, and being misjudged or mislabeled by family - that’s the painful and frustrating reality for so many of us. And it makes the moment someone finally mentions Complex PTSD feel like a lifeline.
Scoring a 10 on the ACEs and still carrying so much shame… I just want to say this: your reaction makes so much sense. That shame was never yours to carry.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure such deep loss - and I’m grateful you found a therapist who could meet you where you are, and name what was really going on underneath it all.❤️
That “little dot of light” you see? That’s real. And it gets brighter. Keep going. You’re not alone on this path.
Can I ask - what’s helped you the most so far when that shame starts to creep back?
I try to remember that it wasn't my fault and that is grew into a person that far exceeded expectations considering my childhood. But it's still a battle. Luckily , I have a very supportive husband
The powerful reminder “it wasn’t my fault” is one I come back to often, too. And the way you acknowledged who you’ve grown into, despite everything you endured- that’s something to be proud of.
I’m really glad you have a supportive partner by your side. That kind of steady presence makes a world of difference when you’re healing something so deep.
And yes… it is still a battle. But the fact that you’re aware of that internal dialogue- and choosing compassion over blame- is everything. You’re doing the work. And it shows.
Sending big hugs your way. You’re not alone in this.❤️
I know I have C- PTSD, among many other things and was wondering if by chance you know anyone in Western NY that takes these kind of patients? Cannot find anyone. Getting semi desperate…
Hi Sandra, I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time finding support. I know how overwhelming that can feel, especially when you’re carrying so much on your own.
You're not alone in this. 💛
Jessica’s advice is spot-on - try looking for therapists who use words like relational, attachment-based, humanistic, or trauma-informed in their bios. These approaches tend to be more supportive for Complex PTSD survivors.
You might also want to check out a couple of other resources:
Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute - They’re based in Buffalo and specialize in intensive trauma therapy. While they don’t list “Complex PTSD” specifically, their methods (like EMDR and Progressive Counting) are designed for deep, long-term trauma.
Open Path Collective - A nationwide network offering affordable therapy, including virtual sessions. Many of their therapists are trauma-informed, and you can search by location and specialty.
I truly hope one of these leads to the support you deserve. Please don’t give up - healing is possible, especially when the right support is in place. Sending you big hugs.
And thank you so much, Jessica - such a helpful tip. 🙏 The words therapists use to describe their approach really do matter when you're navigating something as layered as Complex PTSD.
Look for therapists who identify as relational, interpersonal, attachment-based, or humanistic, hope that helps! These therapists focus on the therapeutic relationship as a basis for trust and communication which can then be expanded to other relationships in the patient’s life.
Great post!! I am a survivor of childhood trauma that did not include physical abuse. Sometimes - sadly - I wished for bruises - then I feel I could have named it sooner instead of blaming myself for normalizing toxicity and playing small for so many years. People dismiss C-PTSD because it is so often - most often - silent. Healing happens when we start to listen to our inner knowing that guides us to trust our intuition and our hearts. Our hearts guide us to love and well-being - we just need to listen. This happens slowly - and in my case over years and years. Our society and culture do not support this type of internal awakening journey - only “success” and quick fixes. So - thank you for naming this very real phenomenon. Healing is not easy - that’s an understatement - 💪🏻 - but it offers a beauty and joy we would never get to know without it - thank you. 🩷✨🙏🏻
Thank you so much for sharing this so beautifully. Your words really hit home - especially your line about wishing for bruises just so it could’ve been seen, named, and validated sooner. 😓 So many survivors of emotional trauma carry that exact feeling, and it breaks my heart how often we’re taught to dismiss what doesn’t leave visible scars.
You’re so right - C-PTSD is often silent, hidden behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-blame. And yes, healing is slow, especially in a world that pushes quick fixes over inner transformation. What you shared about listening to your intuition and heart - that’s the REAL path to freedom. And the fact that you’re doing this work, in a world that often tries to keep us small, silent, and conformed - that’s incredibly powerful. 👏
I’m so grateful you’re walking it, and even more grateful you took the time to leave this reflection here. Truly. Sending big hugs.❤️
P.S. Two more posts in this series are coming later this week:
TUESDAY: Childhood-Onset vs. Adult-Onset C-PTSD: Why It Matters for Healing
A look at how early trauma affects brain development, symptoms, and recovery.
THURSDAY: Growing Up with Complex PTSD: What It Felt Like - and How I Made Sense of It Later
A personal story of missed signs, emotional flashbacks, and the long road to clarity.
Everything. Every last word. I am 59 years old, off and on on sought therapy, which was useless. There was always a push to pathologize, to shoehorn a diagnosis which yes included clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder. Push meds which surprise didn't work. But nothing ever really fit like CPTSD. I used to wonder, when I was also diagnosed with PTSD, "but what do you call it when the traumatizing event is chronic and ongoing?"
And Family Scapegoat Abuse definitely fits.
One of the gifts of which is chronic toxic guilt and shame, for the ways in which (abusers) perceive you as having fallen short and ways in which you feel you have fallen short, especially hurting people I cared about.
But I'd be beginning to see it was a set up. That's not to say I absolve myself, but just to see that the script was almost pre-ordained. At least now I can see some of this and I hope to see more of it and keep working at healing. And hopefully one day really, and truly forgive myself because I think it's the key to letting go of the family gift of lifelong sense of worthlessness and instead embracing that I might just have value as a human being separate from anything I do or don't do.
Wow. Thank you for sharing all of this. I felt every word.
That question — “What do you call it when the trauma is chronic and ongoing?” — yes. That’s exactly what so many of us have been left wondering for years. Complex PTSD finally gave language to something we’ve carried silently for so long.
I really hear you on the misdiagnoses, the meds that didn’t help, the pressure to fit into boxes that never told the whole story. And what you shared about family scapegoat abuse — that hits so deeply. Family scapegoating, toxic guilt, and that heavy shame we carry — especially when we were conditioned to believe we were the problem — are such deeply painful feelings. And yet your reflection, your self-awareness, your hope… it’s already shifting that narrative.👏
You’re not alone in any of this. And I’m really honored you’re here.❤️
What’s been helping you most lately as you continue healing?
I use the term complex trauma healing as I don’t feel that I’m disordered. I feel that I’m responding naturally and predictably because of my experiences. I refer to myself as healing as I’m not stuck but moving forward. I think everyone is probably moving forward and healing if they suffer complex trauma, even if it’s subconscious.
I recognise my healing was happening in my subconscious in my choice of work, partner and parenting style. It’s now more purposeful with more awareness.
I’ll look forward to following your posts. Thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for sharing this. I deeply resonate with how you framed it - not disordered, but responding in a way that makes sense given what we’ve lived through. That shift in language is POWERFUL, and I love how you’re recognizing the healing that was already happening, even before it became conscious.
It’s such a beautiful reminder that healing isn’t always loud or obvious - sometimes it’s quiet, unfolding in our everyday choices.
Grateful to have you here and I look forward to walking alongside you.
This really resonated. More of this type of content! How does one find hope that the suffering will ever end? Childhood trauma followed by adult trauma has left me a mess. I’m 62 now and want to die. Not suicidal. Just don’t want to live. It’s just. too. hard. Professionals are helping me. Well maybe they aren’t.
Thank you for sharing this. I can feel how heavy it all is- and how long you’ve been carrying it. That kind of pain, especially when it starts in childhood and keeps getting reinforced through adult trauma, can make hope feel almost impossible, I know, I’ve been there.
And I hear you on the “not suicidal, just done” feeling. I’ve been there too. That quiet kind of despair is often overlooked- but it’s so real.
You mentioned professionals are helping you… or maybe they aren’t. That part really stood out to me. Because not all therapists are trained in trauma-and for Complex PTSD, that makes a HUGE difference.
A good trauma-informed therapist should help you feel safe, seen, and never rushed. They’ll understand things like emotional flashbacks, nervous system dysregulation, and how survival mode shows up in the body. They won’t just focus on changing your thoughts-they’ll help you build safety in your body and gently explore your past when you’re ready.
It’s okay to ask questions like:
• Do you have experience with Complex PTSD or long-term childhood trauma?
• How do you incorporate nervous system regulation into therapy?
• What’s your approach to safety and pacing?
You are not broken. You are someone who adapted to pain and is still here.
That’s strength.
And there is a path forward-one step at a time, and never alone.❤️
I have another post today that I think might help you- Child vs. Adult Onset C-PTSD: Why it Matters for Healing ⬇️
In my own experience with therapy, I’ve discovered that the focus on the future rather than focusing first on childhood trauma is a disservice to those suffering from C-PTSD. Seeing patterns and learning how to temporarily relieve anxiety are helpful, but unless you find out what’s driving your issues, they persist.
I’m so glad this resonated with you and I love that you’ve found your way to somatic experiencing. That’s such powerful work. It honors what so many of us missed in early talk therapy: the wisdom of the body and the way trauma gets stored beneath words.
You’re clearly doing the deep, brave work of healing, and I hope you feel proud of how far you’ve come. It’s not easy to shift gears in therapy, but when we find something that finally helps us FEEL instead of just think- it’s a game-changer.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You’re absolutely right-many survivors of Complex PTSD are offered surface-level tools without ever being guided into the deeper roots of their pain.
In trauma-informed care, it’s critical that therapy begins with nervous system stabilization. Calming tools and body-based practices aren’t just a nice add-on- they’re essential. Without first establishing a sense of safety in the body, it can be re-traumatizing to dive into childhood experiences too quickly.
That said, I wholeheartedly agree with you: healing can’t stop at symptom relief. Long-term progress depends on making meaning of our past, recognizing the protective patterns we developed, and gently beginning to repair what was never safe to feel in the first place.
It’s not either-or. The best trauma work honors both safety in the present and truth from the past. Thank you again for naming this so clearly.❤️
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I can feel how far you’ve come—and I just want to say, I’m really proud of you. That moment of finally realizing “Wait… this is Complex PTSD?” is huge. It shifts everything.
You’re so right—having a name for it doesn’t erase the pain, but it does help you understand why you’ve felt the way you have. You start to see that you’re not crazy, not broken—just someone who went through things that were never meant to be carried alone.
It’s incredible that you found a therapist who really knows how to hold space for all of it. That kind of support makes such a difference. I’m really honored that my posts helped connect some dots for you—thank you for letting me be part of your healing journey.
This hit a nail on the head for me. For years I wondered why I handled some things with ease and other times I just plain went off the rails. When I was younger I blamed hormones. But the older I got , the worse I became. Emotional regulation was not my wheelhouse. I bounced around a few therapists in my late 50's and researching on my own. I had family tell me they thought I was bi polar or BPD. I felt like I didn't meet the criteria for either diagnosis. I tried anti depressants but they did not help. Then I found a new therapist after the death of one of my kids. She was the first to ask me to take the ACES test. I scored a 10. So we began dealing with my guilt and shame. So much shame. She brought up CPTSD and finally I felt seen and heard. I still have a long way to go but I do see a little dot of light at the end of that tunnel. A good therapist finds a way to meet you where you are
Thank you so much for sharing this. I felt your words deeply - especially the part about not understanding why you could handle some things with ease and completely unravel during others. It really resonated with me. That kind of unpredictability is so common for us Complex PTSD survivors, and so often misunderstood by others (and by ourselves).
What you said about bouncing between therapists, trying medications that didn’t help, and being misjudged or mislabeled by family - that’s the painful and frustrating reality for so many of us. And it makes the moment someone finally mentions Complex PTSD feel like a lifeline.
Scoring a 10 on the ACEs and still carrying so much shame… I just want to say this: your reaction makes so much sense. That shame was never yours to carry.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure such deep loss - and I’m grateful you found a therapist who could meet you where you are, and name what was really going on underneath it all.❤️
That “little dot of light” you see? That’s real. And it gets brighter. Keep going. You’re not alone on this path.
Can I ask - what’s helped you the most so far when that shame starts to creep back?
I try to remember that it wasn't my fault and that is grew into a person that far exceeded expectations considering my childhood. But it's still a battle. Luckily , I have a very supportive husband
The powerful reminder “it wasn’t my fault” is one I come back to often, too. And the way you acknowledged who you’ve grown into, despite everything you endured- that’s something to be proud of.
I’m really glad you have a supportive partner by your side. That kind of steady presence makes a world of difference when you’re healing something so deep.
And yes… it is still a battle. But the fact that you’re aware of that internal dialogue- and choosing compassion over blame- is everything. You’re doing the work. And it shows.
Sending big hugs your way. You’re not alone in this.❤️
I know I have C- PTSD, among many other things and was wondering if by chance you know anyone in Western NY that takes these kind of patients? Cannot find anyone. Getting semi desperate…
Hi Sandra, I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time finding support. I know how overwhelming that can feel, especially when you’re carrying so much on your own.
You're not alone in this. 💛
Jessica’s advice is spot-on - try looking for therapists who use words like relational, attachment-based, humanistic, or trauma-informed in their bios. These approaches tend to be more supportive for Complex PTSD survivors.
You might also want to check out a couple of other resources:
Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute - They’re based in Buffalo and specialize in intensive trauma therapy. While they don’t list “Complex PTSD” specifically, their methods (like EMDR and Progressive Counting) are designed for deep, long-term trauma.
Open Path Collective - A nationwide network offering affordable therapy, including virtual sessions. Many of their therapists are trauma-informed, and you can search by location and specialty.
I truly hope one of these leads to the support you deserve. Please don’t give up - healing is possible, especially when the right support is in place. Sending you big hugs.
And thank you so much, Jessica - such a helpful tip. 🙏 The words therapists use to describe their approach really do matter when you're navigating something as layered as Complex PTSD.
I am checking the Buffalo number right now. Never knew it existed! 💕
Thanks for the tip, Jessica!
Look for therapists who identify as relational, interpersonal, attachment-based, or humanistic, hope that helps! These therapists focus on the therapeutic relationship as a basis for trust and communication which can then be expanded to other relationships in the patient’s life.
Great post!! I am a survivor of childhood trauma that did not include physical abuse. Sometimes - sadly - I wished for bruises - then I feel I could have named it sooner instead of blaming myself for normalizing toxicity and playing small for so many years. People dismiss C-PTSD because it is so often - most often - silent. Healing happens when we start to listen to our inner knowing that guides us to trust our intuition and our hearts. Our hearts guide us to love and well-being - we just need to listen. This happens slowly - and in my case over years and years. Our society and culture do not support this type of internal awakening journey - only “success” and quick fixes. So - thank you for naming this very real phenomenon. Healing is not easy - that’s an understatement - 💪🏻 - but it offers a beauty and joy we would never get to know without it - thank you. 🩷✨🙏🏻
Thank you so much for sharing this so beautifully. Your words really hit home - especially your line about wishing for bruises just so it could’ve been seen, named, and validated sooner. 😓 So many survivors of emotional trauma carry that exact feeling, and it breaks my heart how often we’re taught to dismiss what doesn’t leave visible scars.
You’re so right - C-PTSD is often silent, hidden behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-blame. And yes, healing is slow, especially in a world that pushes quick fixes over inner transformation. What you shared about listening to your intuition and heart - that’s the REAL path to freedom. And the fact that you’re doing this work, in a world that often tries to keep us small, silent, and conformed - that’s incredibly powerful. 👏
I’m so grateful you’re walking it, and even more grateful you took the time to leave this reflection here. Truly. Sending big hugs.❤️
P.S. Two more posts in this series are coming later this week:
TUESDAY: Childhood-Onset vs. Adult-Onset C-PTSD: Why It Matters for Healing
A look at how early trauma affects brain development, symptoms, and recovery.
THURSDAY: Growing Up with Complex PTSD: What It Felt Like - and How I Made Sense of It Later
A personal story of missed signs, emotional flashbacks, and the long road to clarity.
Everything. Every last word. I am 59 years old, off and on on sought therapy, which was useless. There was always a push to pathologize, to shoehorn a diagnosis which yes included clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder. Push meds which surprise didn't work. But nothing ever really fit like CPTSD. I used to wonder, when I was also diagnosed with PTSD, "but what do you call it when the traumatizing event is chronic and ongoing?"
And Family Scapegoat Abuse definitely fits.
One of the gifts of which is chronic toxic guilt and shame, for the ways in which (abusers) perceive you as having fallen short and ways in which you feel you have fallen short, especially hurting people I cared about.
But I'd be beginning to see it was a set up. That's not to say I absolve myself, but just to see that the script was almost pre-ordained. At least now I can see some of this and I hope to see more of it and keep working at healing. And hopefully one day really, and truly forgive myself because I think it's the key to letting go of the family gift of lifelong sense of worthlessness and instead embracing that I might just have value as a human being separate from anything I do or don't do.
Or anyone else's opinion.
Wow. Thank you for sharing all of this. I felt every word.
That question — “What do you call it when the trauma is chronic and ongoing?” — yes. That’s exactly what so many of us have been left wondering for years. Complex PTSD finally gave language to something we’ve carried silently for so long.
I really hear you on the misdiagnoses, the meds that didn’t help, the pressure to fit into boxes that never told the whole story. And what you shared about family scapegoat abuse — that hits so deeply. Family scapegoating, toxic guilt, and that heavy shame we carry — especially when we were conditioned to believe we were the problem — are such deeply painful feelings. And yet your reflection, your self-awareness, your hope… it’s already shifting that narrative.👏
You’re not alone in any of this. And I’m really honored you’re here.❤️
What’s been helping you most lately as you continue healing?
I use the term complex trauma healing as I don’t feel that I’m disordered. I feel that I’m responding naturally and predictably because of my experiences. I refer to myself as healing as I’m not stuck but moving forward. I think everyone is probably moving forward and healing if they suffer complex trauma, even if it’s subconscious.
I recognise my healing was happening in my subconscious in my choice of work, partner and parenting style. It’s now more purposeful with more awareness.
I’ll look forward to following your posts. Thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for sharing this. I deeply resonate with how you framed it - not disordered, but responding in a way that makes sense given what we’ve lived through. That shift in language is POWERFUL, and I love how you’re recognizing the healing that was already happening, even before it became conscious.
It’s such a beautiful reminder that healing isn’t always loud or obvious - sometimes it’s quiet, unfolding in our everyday choices.
Grateful to have you here and I look forward to walking alongside you.
❤️Sending big hugs.
Thank you for taking the time to respond with your lovely reply ❤️🩹
Very helpful - thank you
🙏
You are very welcome, thank you for being here❤️
This really resonated. More of this type of content! How does one find hope that the suffering will ever end? Childhood trauma followed by adult trauma has left me a mess. I’m 62 now and want to die. Not suicidal. Just don’t want to live. It’s just. too. hard. Professionals are helping me. Well maybe they aren’t.
Thank you for sharing this. I can feel how heavy it all is- and how long you’ve been carrying it. That kind of pain, especially when it starts in childhood and keeps getting reinforced through adult trauma, can make hope feel almost impossible, I know, I’ve been there.
And I hear you on the “not suicidal, just done” feeling. I’ve been there too. That quiet kind of despair is often overlooked- but it’s so real.
You mentioned professionals are helping you… or maybe they aren’t. That part really stood out to me. Because not all therapists are trained in trauma-and for Complex PTSD, that makes a HUGE difference.
A good trauma-informed therapist should help you feel safe, seen, and never rushed. They’ll understand things like emotional flashbacks, nervous system dysregulation, and how survival mode shows up in the body. They won’t just focus on changing your thoughts-they’ll help you build safety in your body and gently explore your past when you’re ready.
It’s okay to ask questions like:
• Do you have experience with Complex PTSD or long-term childhood trauma?
• How do you incorporate nervous system regulation into therapy?
• What’s your approach to safety and pacing?
You are not broken. You are someone who adapted to pain and is still here.
That’s strength.
And there is a path forward-one step at a time, and never alone.❤️
I have another post today that I think might help you- Child vs. Adult Onset C-PTSD: Why it Matters for Healing ⬇️
https://open.substack.com/pub/complexptsdwarrior/p/childhood-vs-adult-onset-c-ptsd-why?r=5j6tn1&utm_medium=ios
In my own experience with therapy, I’ve discovered that the focus on the future rather than focusing first on childhood trauma is a disservice to those suffering from C-PTSD. Seeing patterns and learning how to temporarily relieve anxiety are helpful, but unless you find out what’s driving your issues, they persist.
Thank you. It’s an honor to read your posts. Your response clarifies the fact that I’ve switched to somatic experiencing.
I’m so glad this resonated with you and I love that you’ve found your way to somatic experiencing. That’s such powerful work. It honors what so many of us missed in early talk therapy: the wisdom of the body and the way trauma gets stored beneath words.
You’re clearly doing the deep, brave work of healing, and I hope you feel proud of how far you’ve come. It’s not easy to shift gears in therapy, but when we find something that finally helps us FEEL instead of just think- it’s a game-changer.
❤️ Big hugs
Thank you so much for sharing this. You’re absolutely right-many survivors of Complex PTSD are offered surface-level tools without ever being guided into the deeper roots of their pain.
In trauma-informed care, it’s critical that therapy begins with nervous system stabilization. Calming tools and body-based practices aren’t just a nice add-on- they’re essential. Without first establishing a sense of safety in the body, it can be re-traumatizing to dive into childhood experiences too quickly.
That said, I wholeheartedly agree with you: healing can’t stop at symptom relief. Long-term progress depends on making meaning of our past, recognizing the protective patterns we developed, and gently beginning to repair what was never safe to feel in the first place.
It’s not either-or. The best trauma work honors both safety in the present and truth from the past. Thank you again for naming this so clearly.❤️
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. I can feel how far you’ve come—and I just want to say, I’m really proud of you. That moment of finally realizing “Wait… this is Complex PTSD?” is huge. It shifts everything.
You’re so right—having a name for it doesn’t erase the pain, but it does help you understand why you’ve felt the way you have. You start to see that you’re not crazy, not broken—just someone who went through things that were never meant to be carried alone.
It’s incredible that you found a therapist who really knows how to hold space for all of it. That kind of support makes such a difference. I’m really honored that my posts helped connect some dots for you—thank you for letting me be part of your healing journey.
You’re not alone in this.