I'm trying. I have to separate from 5 beloved pets, a place I loved living and my precious granddaughter. I will go back and redo what I know works. All I can do is cry. I may be looking at one or more additional spinal surgeries
❤️Oh my heart… I can feel the weight of this through your words. Losing that kind of connection — to pets, a place, your granddaughter — all at once… it’s more than most nervous systems can hold. No wonder the tears won’t stop. No wonder your system is shutting down.
Please know this: going back to what you know works is not going backward. It’s remembering your way through.
You’re doing the bravest thing possible right now — feeling it, surviving it, showing up even in the middle of heartbreak.
How about some proactive, preventative measures? ... “It takes a village to raise a child,” an African proverb notes.
At the risk of being deemed Godless thus evil (or, far worse, a socialist), I strongly feel that the wellbeing and health of all children needs to be of genuine importance to us all. And healthy, properly functioning moms and/or dads are typically a requisite for this.
But I'm not holding my breath, as I've found that most people are pessimistic and/or hostile towards such concepts. For many people, such ideas, if ever implemented, would be too much like communism and therefor somehow the end of the world.
Meantime, people procreate regardless of not being sufficiently knowledgeable of child development science to parent in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. They seem to perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they (potential parents) will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.
As liberal democracies we cannot or will not prevent anyone from bearing children, even those who selfishly recklessly procreate with disastrous outcomes. We can, however, educate young people for this most important job ever, even those who plan to remain childless, through mandatory high-school child-development science curriculum.
After all, a mentally as well as physically sound future should be EVERY child’s fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. And the wellbeing of ALL children needs to be of great importance to us all, regardless of how well our own children are doing.
Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more lamely self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
This is such an important perspective — thank you for sharing.
I completely agree: the wellbeing of all children should be a shared priority, not just a personal one. Mentoring traumatized children each week, I see firsthand what happens when a child’s needs aren’t met — and how long those impacts can last into adulthood. And you’re right — the best way forward is prevention. Education, support, and community care BEFORE the damage is done.
I often think about how different things might look if we treated parenting preparation like driver’s ed — not because we want to control people, but because understanding child development is essential to preventing generational trauma.
It’s not about blame. It’s about giving people the tools they never got, before they’re responsible for someone else’s nervous system.
"I remember leaving the hospital thinking, ‘Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don’t know beans about babies! I don’t have a license to do this. We’re just amateurs’.”
—Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons
.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
—Childhood Disrupted, pg.228
.
“It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”
—Myriam Miedzian, Ph.D.
.
“The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
I'm trying. I have to separate from 5 beloved pets, a place I loved living and my precious granddaughter. I will go back and redo what I know works. All I can do is cry. I may be looking at one or more additional spinal surgeries
❤️Oh my heart… I can feel the weight of this through your words. Losing that kind of connection — to pets, a place, your granddaughter — all at once… it’s more than most nervous systems can hold. No wonder the tears won’t stop. No wonder your system is shutting down.
Please know this: going back to what you know works is not going backward. It’s remembering your way through.
You’re doing the bravest thing possible right now — feeling it, surviving it, showing up even in the middle of heartbreak.
I’m holding you in my heart, truly.
One breath at a time ❤️
I'm shutting down due to new trauma. Back to old habits
I feel this, as it happens to me too. When something new knocks us down, it can feel like we’re right back where we started.
But going into shutdown doesn’t mean you’ve lost your progress — it just means your system is overwhelmed and doing what it knows to protect you.
Old habits might be showing up again, but you’re not who you were back then. You have more awareness now. More tools. More knowledge.
You don’t have to fix anything today. Just be gentle with yourself. That is healing too. ❤️
How about some proactive, preventative measures? ... “It takes a village to raise a child,” an African proverb notes.
At the risk of being deemed Godless thus evil (or, far worse, a socialist), I strongly feel that the wellbeing and health of all children needs to be of genuine importance to us all. And healthy, properly functioning moms and/or dads are typically a requisite for this.
But I'm not holding my breath, as I've found that most people are pessimistic and/or hostile towards such concepts. For many people, such ideas, if ever implemented, would be too much like communism and therefor somehow the end of the world.
Meantime, people procreate regardless of not being sufficiently knowledgeable of child development science to parent in a psychologically functional/healthy manner. They seem to perceive thus treat human procreative ‘rights’ as though they (potential parents) will somehow, in blind anticipation, be innately inclined to sufficiently understand and appropriately nurture their children’s naturally developing minds and needs.
As liberal democracies we cannot or will not prevent anyone from bearing children, even those who selfishly recklessly procreate with disastrous outcomes. We can, however, educate young people for this most important job ever, even those who plan to remain childless, through mandatory high-school child-development science curriculum.
After all, a mentally as well as physically sound future should be EVERY child’s fundamental right — along with air, water, food and shelter — especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter. And the wellbeing of ALL children needs to be of great importance to us all, regardless of how well our own children are doing.
Mindlessly ‘minding our own business’ often proves humanly devastating. Yet, largely owing to the Only If It’s In My Own Back Yard mindset, the prevailing collective attitude (implicit or subconscious) basically follows: ‘Why should I care — my kids are alright?’ or (the even more lamely self-serving) ‘What’s in it for me as a taxpayer?’
This is such an important perspective — thank you for sharing.
I completely agree: the wellbeing of all children should be a shared priority, not just a personal one. Mentoring traumatized children each week, I see firsthand what happens when a child’s needs aren’t met — and how long those impacts can last into adulthood. And you’re right — the best way forward is prevention. Education, support, and community care BEFORE the damage is done.
I often think about how different things might look if we treated parenting preparation like driver’s ed — not because we want to control people, but because understanding child development is essential to preventing generational trauma.
It’s not about blame. It’s about giving people the tools they never got, before they’re responsible for someone else’s nervous system.
Thank you for sharing this.
"I remember leaving the hospital thinking, ‘Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don’t know beans about babies! I don’t have a license to do this. We’re just amateurs’.”
—Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons
.
“It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.”
—Childhood Disrupted, pg.228
.
“It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”
—Myriam Miedzian, Ph.D.
.
“The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”
—Dr. Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D. & Dr. John Marcellus